My Wish

It has always been incredibly difficult for me to say goodbye - whether forever, or just for a while. I have been known to be the one who weeps inconsolably at the funerals of barely known acquaintances - never mind the funerals of loved ones and friends. Goodbyes signal such finality and grief.
My loved one lives too far away from me - in Australia. We have the wonderful privilege of living in this world of technological marvels - and speak every day - by phone, email or chat. I even get to see him in real time on webcam. We speak so much that i even catch myself running out of things to say (for a bit...) but I hang onto his every word as though it might be the last one I ever hear. Our phone conversations are especially precious to me, as the sound of his voice seems to lull me in the wonderful happy place filled with love, laughter and shared intimacy. We sometimes speak for 3 to 4 hours- giggling and whispering away whole afternoons, sometimes.
The time flies and but there is not one second where i ever want to be anywhere else.....but i always know, in the back of my head....... a thought that fills me with dread....... we will eventually have to say goodbye, and he will carry on with his life for a bit - and i will carry on with mine...... until we meet again tomorrow. But EVERY time he says goodbye (because i am never able to be first) i become filled with the deepest dread, like my world is ending. Everytime he says, 'My love, I think I'd better go now......,' I want to scream like my heart is being torn from me! Will it ever get easier? Is maturity or age a cure? In my logical mind, I know there will be a tomorrow.But in my emotional mind, each goodbye is a terrible, terrible ending.

Oh, my world for a place by his side. This is my wish.