Eight Things about Me

Seeing i am in a list making mood.....

1. I used to be a chorus line dancer for a Brazilian Singer called Carlos Benkunskas - and loved every minute of it!

2. I have broken both my feet - and both times it was drink related...... (no comment)

3. If the doctor never took my 'Please help me, i think i am dying' plea seriously, i would be dead. My appendix had burst and they found it in 3 pieces, floating around in the vastness of inner me...

4. I met my boyfriend on the net. And yes, it's wonderful, and yes, i love him!

5. I speak 4 languages and i want to learn as many more as i can

6. I have been bitten by a mouse in a supermarket, and by a cat that was attacking my dog. This is the TRUTH. Both time i had tetanus shots. I am up to date now.....

7. Beerfests bring out my inner German demon.

8. I am not as confident within myself as i appear in public. But i am prepared to keep up the charade.

Reasons to be happy 14 May 2007

1. Jeremy May loves me!
2. Tomorrow is a public holiday and i get to wake up WITHOUT the alarm!
3. It is only 56 days till Australia!
4. My Amazon purchases should arrive when i get back to school on Wednesday. Oh how i love Amazon!
5. My new hairstyle is showing promise of being manageable.
6. Summer is here! Terraces open for late evening drinks and lots of un-coated fun to be had..... Tinto de Verano....... yum!
7. I found lost friends on Facebook and they accepted my friendship requests!
8. My hayfever seems to have calmed down.... Atchoo!
9. There are such wonderful things to read on abeautifulrevolution.com
10. I sold my first necklace in Spain today!

There are probably many more i could rack my brain about - but if i made a list of them all i would have to be near on ecstatic.

Life is good!

My Wish

It has always been incredibly difficult for me to say goodbye - whether forever, or just for a while. I have been known to be the one who weeps inconsolably at the funerals of barely known acquaintances - never mind the funerals of loved ones and friends. Goodbyes signal such finality and grief.
My loved one lives too far away from me - in Australia. We have the wonderful privilege of living in this world of technological marvels - and speak every day - by phone, email or chat. I even get to see him in real time on webcam. We speak so much that i even catch myself running out of things to say (for a bit...) but I hang onto his every word as though it might be the last one I ever hear. Our phone conversations are especially precious to me, as the sound of his voice seems to lull me in the wonderful happy place filled with love, laughter and shared intimacy. We sometimes speak for 3 to 4 hours- giggling and whispering away whole afternoons, sometimes.
The time flies and but there is not one second where i ever want to be anywhere else.....but i always know, in the back of my head....... a thought that fills me with dread....... we will eventually have to say goodbye, and he will carry on with his life for a bit - and i will carry on with mine...... until we meet again tomorrow. But EVERY time he says goodbye (because i am never able to be first) i become filled with the deepest dread, like my world is ending. Everytime he says, 'My love, I think I'd better go now......,' I want to scream like my heart is being torn from me! Will it ever get easier? Is maturity or age a cure? In my logical mind, I know there will be a tomorrow.But in my emotional mind, each goodbye is a terrible, terrible ending.

Oh, my world for a place by his side. This is my wish.

Life on earth and other accidents: Things I like about today

Life on earth and other accidents: Things I like about today

I just found this blog through the post of the week site. I think that her list is fabulous - i will be making one of my own, too - as soon as i have calmed my fuzzy eyes (a result of staring at this screen too long!)

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

this could have been me.....

for years i was scared of being alone or lonely. I stayed in a very emotionally abusive relationship for too long, for this very reason. A very good friend of mine took it upon himself to make sure i learnt how to be comfortable with myself by helping me realise that there would always be someone there for me, even when i wasn't with anyone. It was the best thing that anyone has done for me. My life is so much fuller now as i am unafraid to attempt anything anymore, even if it means it has to be done solo. I am still often lonely and sometimes i do feel alone, but it's ok now..... i do not always need people around me to validate me now. I like me. I'm ok.
I read the postsecret.com page every week and this postcard appeared this week.....it made me smile, because i could have sent it about me.

Portugal

Just spent my Easter holidays in Portugal.......gotta love the place. Started off in the Algarve in a place called Santa Eulalia, gorgeous private little beach there, lovely rock pools, great restaurants - GO!! Then off to my favourite place in the world, Lisbon, and as usual, it did not fail to impress! Spent 3 days getting lost in its windy streets, photographing it's excellent graffiti (photos to come), and just generally relaxing. Met some great people at the BEST hostel in the world - OASIS LISBOA, and did the whole Bairro Alto party thing.... Then off to Cascais, where i spent 3 idyllic days in another excellent brand new hostel called CASCAIS BEACH HOSTEL - really worth visiting, too. The village is very neat and clean and tidy, and has a small working dock, free bike hire, excellent walkways, great restaurants, and excellent connection to paces like Cabo da Roca (westernmost point of Europe, great sunsets) and Sintra (UNESCO World Heritage Site)....if you don't mind the wildcat bus drivers who I think used to test drive for Ferrari (I got ringside seats to some poor child getting 'bus sick' into a supermarket packet) Excellent memory there! Thereafter it was back on the train to the Algarve, and this time I stayed in a timeshare resort in Praia do Ouro (Beach of Gold) Got a bit of tanning in, got totally annihilated by bedbugs in the hotel bed, spent my last day in the Algarve emergency Rooms getting injections for the severe allergic reaction I had to the bites... blah blah blah. Back at school now and HATING it. Why? WHY? WHY?